Disgrace

Disgrace

Cigarettes and alcohol is the odour filling the air

Person sat consuming them, really doesn’t care

Music playing indie, and soft soul searching lyrics

Staring into space, then a cig he carefully flicks

Ashtray brimming over, and stinks of ash & dimps

Get for a glass of wine, and when he moves he limps

Body stiff from sat in one spot, and for hours not changed position

Trying to figure out why he hurts and what exactly is his mission

A depressing song comes on the stereo and draws his full attention

He finds it familiar and sings out load, as though it’s his redemption​

When it’s over he gulps down his wine, and rolls another cigarette

He's killing pain by drinking wine, but fuelling more regret

He takes a stoke on his cigarette and breaths the smoke in deep

Holds his breath and thinks of the past as something he cannot keep

He breaths out the smoke and looks up to the sky

He asks how he got here and wonders why

He knows it’s the pasts that’s the haunting ghost

And he knows that it’s that which hurts the most

But he's tried several times to put it to an end

Evacuate past memories, leave his heart to mend

He regrets bad things what he's done in the past

He has emotional scars that are there to last

But he spends his life in a state of disgrace

Like people are mirroring back in his face

He knows he is mad of the heart not the head

And this is the factor in why he's not dead.

He accepts his behaviour and feigns displacement

Finds living with danger as a kind of replacement

But he is here again, alone and pissed

Thinking what he could have missed

Knowing his heart will never mend

He knows it’s mad and he cannot pretend

So he pours another glass of wine and raises it up to the sky

He shouts out, “Take me you fuckin twat!, I’m ready to fuckin die”!

He throws it down with anger and rage

Feels trapped and alone in an animal cage

Then he takes a deep breath and tries to let go

The music changes and starts to slow

He shakes his head and shuts his eyes

Knows that no-body would hear his cries

So he looks back up to the heaven above

Ask for forgiveness and prays for Love

Asks the sky to stop his self-loathing

He's ready once more is the message betrothing

He switches the CD to something more upbeat

Then sits with the tray in his favourite seat

Rolls a splif with the finest of weed

Sure he acknowledges it once was a seed

Then closes his eyes as he smokes his joint

And wonders, in that, what at all was the point?

©️ Gemma Tansey 2022