Disney Princesses Dating Ad's

Disney Princesses Dating Ad's (Post Divorce)

Hi, my name is Cinderella,

I’m looking for a decent fella.

The last one (Prince Charming) was such a bore!​​​

And he had the cheek to call me a whore!

At first it was good and we were in Love,

But this my charming would rise above.

I think he found some woman named Belle?

But he left us the house so what the hell!

Anyway, I’m 6ft tall,

Perfect company for a ball.

Shoes...I have a very nice pair,

So no wife hunting this time, I swear!

I now have 6 kids and own my home,

Have a lovely garden with matching gnome.

I struggle through life and a partner I yearn,

To share the royalties of which I earn.

I always wash & clean & cook,

And I know you’d like me, if only you’d look!

I don't shout back and hardly swear,

My little habits are easy to bare.

I think I make a pretty good wife,

I’m looking for an easy life.

So, if you want the shoe to fit

Remember this, the important bit.

I once was belle of the royal ball

So come on fella's! Give me a call!!

Hello, my name is simply Belle,

I actually French, you can probably tell.

It stands for beauty as far as I know,

Ironic really as it’s something I show.

Anyway, basically I’m back on the shelf,

This gives me time to read by myself.

I used to be dating the ugly guy,

The beast like man with frowning eye.

At first he was the perfect man,

Total gent, and fuck? He can!

The man was hung like a bloody horse,

I should have known with his size, of course.

So now I need a biggish man

To fill his boots. Do you think you can?

I need someone old and big and hairy,

I’m even attracted to slightly scary.

Beast left me the castle and all that goes,

Says why he married me he never knows.

Says he got swept up with all the drama,

And he says I give off a negative Karma.

Anyway, I'd like someone loving and gentle,

And possibly like me...A little bit mental.

Looks to me are not essential,

Skin deep beauty the important credential.

So come on fella's and put me to the test,

Dine in the castle and be our guest!

Hello my name is Ariel

Once was a fish but you'd never tell.

I traded fins for 2 skinny pins,

But I'd rather them than my old scaly fins.

Used to be married to a human named Eric,

My number one guy, and through life we did stick

Thought we'd be together for good,

But for that bitch Cinders, I think we still would.

I'd like to add that I love to dream

And unfortunately I’m prone to scream.

It all equates to a minor breakdown.

It happened last month when Eric left town.

I imagined my past when I lived in the sea,

But no dream of Eric just Flounder & me.

But then I awoke to the sound of that crab,

And it all came back to my life so drab.

See, I’m not really sure what I’m looking for,

Don't know if it's land or sea I adore.

Fancy a man that’s tall, rich and handsome,

Who'd fight off the sea-witch and also pay ransom.

I just need a partner to make me feel sane,

Stop my ID crisis from happening again.

So, go on fella's get out of the sea

Trade in your tails and have some of me.

Thingymibobs are ten a penny,

Ouzits & watsits you'll end up with many.

So give me a call and give it a whirl

You know you wanna "kiss de girl".

Hello there, my names Aroura,

For a 100 years a total borer!

I didn't even lift my head,

Or make a blink or so it’s said.

But charming woke me from the curse,

Moved me in and filled my purse.

Kept me happy, as best he could do,

But I always wanted for pastures new.

I think he's with that Cinders now,

They scruffy throwback using cow!

As luck would have it I signed a deal

And if he leaves me, I make a steal.

So now I live in my own big castle,

No more stress and no more hassle.

And all I did was stop the sex..

Most marriages you'll find it wrecks.

I’m oh so glad that I’m rid of him now,

I never even liked him anyhow.

I love being single and just need a friend,

For lazy summer days with which to spend.

Maybe the odd girly shopping trip,

Or a bottle of wine to share and sip.

So come on girls, get on the spinner,

Prick you're finger to become a winner.

Don't stay like me in a 100year dream

And remember Princes aint all they seem.

©️ Gemma Tansey 2022